When you realize it's really you that's been the problem in your relationships

Venus and Mercury are now retrograde. It's not only retrograde in transits,indicating this is a reevaluation period, my progressed Venus is now retrograde (my Venus will never be the same). Fun right. My friends and I have been really focused on understanding ourselves and taking responsibility for choices in our relationships. One of the things that has come up a lot lately is why I used to choose men who had Uranian or Arian energy. These men did not want to settle down. After a lot of soul searching I had realized that there were parts of myself that was conflicting. I always thought it was my Moon/Saturn/Pluto aspects but I realized that I have multiple inconjunct aspects in my charts and more importantly my Moon and Venus are inconjunct by sign.

An inconjunct shows there are two planets/energy in a chart that is not compatible. They have nothing in common. So it's hard to integrate those in the personality. Meaning you usually choose one over the other in different areas. For example, if you have Sun and Moon inconjunct, this means that how a person tries to achieve in the world is at odds with their emotional needs. If you have Sun in Gemini, you will want to explore, have variety, more than one interest, is sociable and charming. However, Moon in Capricorn wants to be in control of things. It needs structures and boundaries. Status and security are a focus and tend to be shy and insecure about their self worth. These are very different energies, so how does a person integrate these?

Usually people don't and that is why life for them is frustrating. Can you imagine doing what you desire to achieve does not satisfy you emotionally? And doing what satisfies you emotionally does not help you to be who you want to be in the world? This is definitely frustrating and/or confusing. This is different than a square or opposition. Those are dynamic aspects and when you satisfy one, the other is at least acknowledged. If you have Sun in Gemini opposite the Moon in Sag, when you are satisfying one energy the other planet is being energized. With the square, it's the same. It's not necessarily easy or comfortable but at least it is energized and you are consciously are aware of it. The square does cause tension but it makes a person want to take action. With the inconjunct, you may not even realize why you are frustrated. You may think, I'm doing things that is most valuable for me to succeed and achieve, why do I feel so unfulfilled? Not understanding, your Moon in Capricorn does not like you constantly on the go going to parties or events, going from one interest to another, not finishing projects. It needs you to take time to be alone, come up with a plan that is structured so it can be executed.

As I stated in the beginning, I realized I have multiple planets that are inconjunct either by sign or degree. I have found that what I'm attracted to does not make me feel safe. What I put my time and energy into doesn't align with my needs. There is a conflict between having security and routine vs. independence, need for excitement, and unpredictability. Yes ya'll I'm a hot mess but who isn't.

So how did I combat these things? First, it was becoming aware of them. Before even realizing there were this many inconjunct aspects in my chart, I knew there were distinct differences within myself that I was struggling to understand and integrate. It was sitting down with myself and saying okay, it doesn't have to be an either/or mentality, how do I have a both/and mentality? Then it was understanding my values and what is most important to me. I value knowledge, influence (stimulation) and achievement. I desire to connect with others, to read, to learn to share but I needed to have me time, to have boundaries, be responsible and get things done. The knowledge and influence part satisfies one planet and the achievement satisfies another. I have to allow myself to have a structure to what I put my time and energy into. For example, I love reading and learning but I need to be able to share what I am learning to accomplish something. If I sit and read all day and didn't accomplish anything with the material or anything around the house, I will feel sad. So I have to make a to do list to include reading and cleaning/organizing or read and write a post, blog or type notes for a curriculum about what I read/learned. There are times that I schedule to read and be lazy for the day, yep I do, just like I will schedule a mental health day off work. And there are days when I am getting things done and didn't do things I desired to do and it's about being okay with that and not feel guilty about it. As far as who I am attracted to vs who I feel safe with, that is yet to be determined. I'll get back with you all after the verdict is in lol.

I encourage you to look at your chart for inconjunct aspects or just sit and evaluate your relationship patterns or decisions you've made and process and understand them. Understand the motivation behind those decisions or actions. Venus retrograde will be over in a couple of weeks so you want to come out of this with better understanding and ready to be and choose better.

Love and Light,

Sunshine